My days feel almost magical lately, especially my mornings. I bliss out during my sacred time, and that powerful energy stays with me throughout the day. My energy is strong, but at the end of my work days at the winery, 9 hour days filled with nearly 5 miles of back and forth steps and long liturgies of information shared with guests, I am completely spent. Yesterday I worked outside and it was miserably hot. I am someone who melts in the heat, so I was excruciatingly uncomfortable, perspiration dripping down my torso and temples, needing to wipe my face with a cold cloth often, sticking my hands in the ice bucket for relief. I specifically begged to work outside so I couldn’t complain, and everyone was dealing with the heat anyway, we didn’t have a choice. Working outside meant I could breathe, as I could mostly avoid wearing a COVID 19 ordered mask. I find it impossible to do my job well – the role of “Wine Steward” which encompasses sharing with guests all the details of the history of the winery, the family, and each of the 7 wines- and still get enough oxygen to sustain myself while wearing a mask. Saturday I had to work inside all day and keep a mask on, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I felt exhausted and depleted like I haven’t felt in a long time, no doubt from oxygen deprivation. This pandemic has wreaked SO much havoc on our world. I am not writing this to provoke a discussion on how everything has been handled or the controversy of wearing or not wearing a mask. I am reflecting on how miserable I felt so recently, but how each morning, no matter what, I arrive back at my happy place.
I work with someone who triggers me in really big ways, often, and for many different reasons. I am not all that easily triggered, I can usually manage my aversion to how certain people handle themselves, but I set super high standards for myself. As a manager, I expected everyone else to have high standards for themselves too. It takes a team of strong, solid, empowered employees to create a business that shines with excellence. In my opinion, everyone should have a strong work ethic with a sense of responsibility, ownership, and self-motivation. I constantly tell myself that my challenging coworker is an incredible teacher for me, but the days are really long and unsettling when I have to work near her all day. I find it fascinating how I can let things roll off my back so easily sometimes, and other times every little irritant feels like 100 lbs on my shoulders, or an explosion I must suppress in my throat so I don’t lose it completely in front of authority. I acknowledge that I am not sleeping enough, which is a challenge. When I go through these creative spurts, I am so inspired to write, produce, be active – I just can’t quiet the ideas and flow in my mind, so I embrace the early hour. I often get up at 3 AM and sit in silence, bliss out, and notice how my mind starts filling with brilliant ideas. Two nights ago I had a series of dreams that got me so excited, I leaped out of bed with a big smile. I won’t give away the dreams, because they were gifts to me and I am excited to manifest them, in part with this blog – you’ll see! I find life full of wonder and mystery and bumps and bruises, an unusual concoction of flavors: bitter, sweet, sour, pungent and ultimately delicious.
Today I get to go stand up paddle boarding (SUP) for the first time since well before the pandemic, and I am so excited I could burst. SUPing is one of my most favorite activities in the whole wide world. I love living so close to the bay, the ocean, the beach. I do have an exceptionally blessed life, and I know it. I affirm the positivity in my life, and now that I am sober, it is in expansion mode. So may good things happening, so much love filling my heart. I often catch the time at 3:33 and 4:44, every version of “1”‘s (1:11. 11:11), signifying a flow of alignment, inspiration and creativity. I may not be getting enough sleep, but I can handle this. Feeling full of joy, energy, inspiration and health is worth the yawns. One day I will be back to sleeping normal hours, and that will feel good too. My life is on fire as I am transforming into the ME I am meant to be. This Sober Life is the biggest gift I could ever give myself. Sober is the bomb.